forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fuck appropriateness.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
