I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
