How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
