You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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