Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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