I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
