make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found a bag of teeth...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
