Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
