My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the liver wants what the liver wants
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
