My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
