The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
