I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
