sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
birth control should be required to get into college
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
