i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
