My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
