his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
