how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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