This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
