I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
