I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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