I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
