Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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