If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont even know how to be here
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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