Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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