i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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