Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
