so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
