I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
