I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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