I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
