if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You took a bar mat shot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize