I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
