I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
