you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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