Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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