; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize