She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
