You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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