Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
