I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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