you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize