Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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