Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
