apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
