So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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