He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
