found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I need to stop coming to work sober
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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