you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
