why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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