1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize