Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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