I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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