Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize