my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
