also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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