dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
