Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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