yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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