I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
