never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
