The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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