so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
