New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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