The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
