New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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