I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
BRING THE BAGELS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize