Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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