My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
