i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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