We won't sleep together?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize