nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
