You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
