Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
